3 – Walking in the Wilderness

Two months doesn’t seem like that long of a time.

If you have to wait for something exciting to come in two months time.. its manageable.

Two months.

61 days.

1464 Hours.

87840 minutes.

But more importantly… 4,544 Miles apart.

Distance is killer.

I have been told “Absence makes the heart grow fonder..” but it hurt. Absence made me go inside myself more and more.

I worked at an incredible church, a loving family church who looked after me as much as I would allow. I had moved into some incredibly generous and loving friends home – they gave me a room, space and didn’t judge when I would shut myself away.

The gym was ultimately the place where I took out my anger and my sadness.

I would run until my legs hurt.

I would lift until my arms hurt.

I just wanted my heart to not be the only thing hurting.

I was a youth pastor. Some incredible young people, fantastic volunteers.

This became where I would put my joy, this would be where I would push my energy and I loved it.

Every skype call was amazing and heart breaking at the same time. The texts that would be awesome to receive but hard to respond to.

Counting down the days. The hours. The minutes.

Trying to be as present as possible but living in a world where I couldn’t hold my family.

It was only two months. But it was a hard two months.

I went to see my family and we had a dinner together. Our favorite place to eat. The Golden Dragon – Chinese food.

Sitting seeing my family around the table all at the same time – brothers, mum and Ian, nan and grandad, cousins, nieces, spouses. I was happy but felt guilty for feeling it.

I remember hugging each brother. Mum, Ian, Nan, Grandad, Wanting to stay in that place forever.

Hugging each cousin.

Breaking down for every single hug. Taking deep breaths and trying just trying to hold it together.

I just want family. I just want to be with my family. I need my family.